I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Randomize
