oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
The air was thick with penises
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
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