I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
