Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Ladies don't puke and tell
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
