about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
