Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Randomize
