It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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