Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
