if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
