I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
