I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
