If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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