im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
