you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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