My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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