nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Is it normal to miss your booty call?
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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