So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
