I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
