I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Randomize
