Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
