she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Randomize
