I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
