i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Randomize
