Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
