somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
True strength comes from lack of pants
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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