don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
