I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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