if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Randomize
