I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Randomize
