I can't breathe out the right side of my face
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
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