I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
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