I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
