If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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