Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
