I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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