The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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