I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
COCAINE IS GR8
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