Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
