I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Randomize
