piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I want to have your abortion
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
