The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
