please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Randomize