I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
