Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
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