I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
