Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Houston, we have a blender
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
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