dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
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