I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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