After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
So much rum. So many feels.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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