I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Randomize
