Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
She needs sedatives and a leash
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I need water and some morals
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