i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Randomize
