Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
