Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
