Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
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