i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize