And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
