Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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