so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
