....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
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