This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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