It's like God shit irony all over that family
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
