question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
