I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
