my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
