Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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