Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
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