Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Drunk is a universal language darling
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
