im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Randomize
