I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Randomize
