totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
