I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize