it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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