so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
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