I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
