Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
