Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
