Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
