come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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